When I Love

When I love, I love deep. I fall for the soul.

I fall oblivious of what's not to love and sensitive only to what there is. 
When I love, I love with not a bit of reluctance.

I love in totality, in full dependence.
I love with much emotions as a raging sea.
I'm transparent and vulnerable --
That which have led to a handful of heartbreaks.

They say a damsel in distress is that beautiful maiden in a dire predicament who desperately needs a hero. I was a lady enough to discern this, yet at the same time embrace this classic title as well. One, because apart from the "distress", I was thinking that anyway being a "damsel" suggests beauty too. And two, because again, it is a classic theme to almost every literary piece I adore and to think about my life story as a tale like most of the Disney princesses is appealing. 

So to cut it short; yes, I love too much, and yes I am desperate a damsel in distress (as I prefer to put it). One who cries when she feels like crying, sings when she feels like singing, even dance around to what her heart beats for. One who smiles without restraint. I'd like to see it as an element of uniqueness, but undeniably, considering my poor judgement on what and whom to love, it has become a quality of self-destruction instead of an advantage. Often I question the immensity of my consciousness -- Of why I am made with such boldness to love: bold but fragile, bold but weak, bold but a subject to heartache.  

This was a constant struggle until a radical change happened in my life -- And this radical change involves Love itself.

There is a greater love that is incomparable to any love I have ever known and to any love I could ever give. This greater love has overthrown any misconceptions I had about "love" and uprooted whatever damage an aching heart has cost me. It is the Agape love of the One True God that I came to know. It is a love "which endures forever (Psa. 136)", a love that is "reaching the heavens (Psa. 57:10)", a love that is "unfailing (Psa. 143:8)".

If I could love so great. This One could love not just greater, 

but the greatest of all.

The Scripture speaks of this amazing love in an entirely new lens, the Truth. For the Truth  about love is that "God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son...(John 3:16)", and it is "when we were sinners that [His Son] died for us (Rom. 5:8)". Truly, it is an amazing love that the Most High Almighty would think of such compassion for us. In a more personal level, I gaze in awestruck wonder to this marvelous quality of my Triune God. My Jesus died for me 2,000 years ago without even knowing if I'd love Him back.

To discover this kind of love is to discover the truest, purest form of this intangible entity way before its definition was corrupted by this world. One saying says that "the enemy knows he can never defeat love, so he tries to redefine it instead". Our definition of love may not be what it seems. To go back to the original concept of love -- that which paved a way to creation and once again paved a way to salvation -- is to see LOVE apart from how the world sees it, and to see it through the very author and source of love itself. The Scriptures speaks of this love:

"This is love: not that we loved God, 
but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."
-1 John 4:10

The beautiful thing about God's love is that once we feel it, our spirit feels the urge to give it back. It consumes and overflows, making it not possible to keep that love by ourselves. When we are loved truly, we become true to love. Loving is not anymore at our own expense, but fueled through the loving grace of the Father.

Knowing that this is love -- The Love, for God is love himself -- is liberation to my soul. Once, I was despicable at why I was created to have such tender heart. But now I've eventually known the purpose behind God's masterpiece woven in me: 

That when I fall, I fall deep, 
For it is to love that I was born,
The greatest commandment of all:
To "love the Lord [my] God 
with all [my] heart, 
and with all [my] soul, 
and with all [my] mind
(Matt. 22:37)."

 "We love because he first loved us." -1 John 4:19

 

*All bible references are taken out from the New International Version
(Image-1 Source: Tumblr)

(Image-2 Source: 5 Minutes for Faith)
(Image-3 Source: Random Thoughts Jewels)
(Image-4 Source: april4june6)